Below are suggestions on how to tell the children. No doubt you will think well it’s easy to sit and write out those suggestions, not so easy to put them into practice when you are feeling devastated. I totally agree but give it a try.
1.Don’t tell the children until you are absolutely certain you are breaking up and there’s no going back. Imagine how confusing and upsetting it is for the children to tell them you are breaking up and a week later you decide to give it another go.
2.It is not necessary or wise to share adult information about the reason for the break-up with the children. Reassure them that whatever happens you love them and will always be there for them. Otherwise, stick to practical issues such as how it will affect them, will they be moving or will they stay where they are and see the parent moving out, how often will they see that parent and when? Tell them the information in a straightforward manner and make sure they are comfortable to ask questions.
3. There’s no need to tell the children you think the other parent is at fault for the break up or the faults of the other parent. No doubt both of you think the other has faults but the children don’t have to know that. Keep your thoughts to yourself!
4 If you are on reasonable terms, telling the children together is a good idea because you will be presenting a united front to the children and they will understand that just because you are separating you are still providing boundaries for them and are of the same view about their upbringing. It is inevitable that you will have different points of view about day to day parenting as time goes on but, ideally, this should be discussed between the two of you and a decision put to the children rather than involving them in conflict.
5. Make sure the children know the break-up isn’t their fault and was in no way caused by them.
6. The key is the children are probably going to feed off your feelings and the atmosphere in the house so if you are anxious and upset, they are likely to be too. Difficult though it may be, try to stay calm.
Best of luck.